Addicted to working.

This whole venture scares me a little, largely because I don't want people to think it's all because I'm lazy.  I'm not. I am in fact quite the opposite. I am addicted to working.

I need a purpose and a reason to get out of bed in the morning, otherwise I probably wouldn't. It really isn't that I don't want to work, because I do. I just want to be a bit more flexible about it and I want to be able to mark my days by doing something different and learning something new every day.

At the moment, I am very lucky because I do have a job that I love. I manage a youth hostel, I am quite new to it and probably at the moment, not very good. This is what I like most about it. It gives me a chance to test myself every day and break through my own boundaries very quickly. I know though, from having had many jobs like this, that eventually (hopefully) this won't always be the case and that there will come a day when I am no longer learning, but just repeating all of the things that I have done before and that is where I don't want to be.

I have worked full time, and a lot more at times when I have been running two or even three jobs, for half my life now. I am guilty of throwing most of my time and energy into work to the detriment of my friends and any social life I may have once had. I really want that back.

This is largely what onac (operation no alarm clock) is about for me. I want to be able to be a bit more flexible and I want to be able to choose what I do to make a living everyday, with a view to continually learning and developing my skills. I want to be able to work until 4 am if I choose to and to invite all of my friends to my work place when and however I want.

My intention at the moment is largely to do this, by being a bit crafty, hence the etsy store. I realise that nothing may come of it and the general take on etsy is that it could take months or years to sell anything, so this alone will not work. Also if I focused on this alone, I would quickly be stuck in a daily routine as before. I want to be constantly developing new skills everyday, that are firstly useful to me in life, secondly, useful to others and thirdly sellable. Allowing me to do what I want when I want and make enough to have a nice home.

I never want to be rich. Actually, maybe that's unfair, having never tried it, I wouldn't know. I just want enough money to live and to make my time feel like it's more my own. I want a nice house and I want to feel comfortable with the decisions I make on a daily basis. There are a million things I want to learn and I discover more each day. I hope to be able to share them all with you eventually and let you know how it goes. I only learned to knit in February and so far I have about 40 scarves and rugs to sell, if it goes nowhere, I had fun doing it and me and all of my friends will be toasty warm this winter. This new attitude is what is really shocking to me.

Normally, I am very much an all or nothing kind of girl. I want it all and I want it yesterday, even if I only decided it was a good idea tomorrow. Not this time, this is what's so strange for me. Sure, as always, I have my eyes on the big prize. Big house in Moseley, for those of you that are interested. For, the first time ever though, I do not want it right now, I really want the journey and I am also sure that I will not be disappointed if that doesn't happen. If it doesn't it will be because something else, another path, another way, catches my eye in the meantime. This is how learning works for me.

On Monday, I have my first driving lesson. Well, not quite my first, but my first in 13 years and I am terrified. It is another step closer to where I want to be though. I am lucky to be in good physical health and so consider being mobile a benefit to this plan. My line of thinking on this one is that it gives me the opportunity, should I ever pass my test, to effectively rent myself out to friends. My skills so far are a little limited, but very useful. I can hang wallpaper, I am no professional, but I do a good enough job in my own home. I can paint, work decorator's caulk and filler. I can clean and dig and do all manner of physical work and I am not afraid to  wear myself out physically doing so. How useful could I be to people, if I could take this skill to their door and help them as and when they need it.

If the crafty thing goes well and I pass my test, I have my eye on a baby blue pick up truck and some bib and brace overalls. I have no idea of makes and models, it is pure fantasy and all because I think it would suit me. Ridiculous, I know, but, we all have to start somewhere. A truck would make me more useful and sell-able to others too. How many people move house, need rubbish disposing of, need things moving from one place to another?  It's all working and I get to see my friends and be a useful part in their lives and help them on their own journey's too.

The crafty element means that I can hopefully start making use of the items they throw away, both personally, reducing my outgoings and therefore the amount of income that I actually need, and to sell on depending on where my, yet to be discovered skills take me. Their are thousands of ways to make a living right there, and the list is only getting bigger. It's a good thing really, because my biggest fear in all of this, is that should I ever pull it off and be able to quit the day job is that I will have too little to motivate me and too little to fill my time. I am terrified of being bored. Frankly, I would rather be at work.